Wow -- this new-fangled fishing courtesy of Ishmael is better than new math! I didn't even have to start the boat this time -- just got in a cracked a beer. I wonder if the beer is necessary? Well, if its not that's ok; I'll claim it is because I like drinking 'em.... -- Ed
The first parts of this series explored responsibilities we have to ourselves: eliminating toxic people and time management. But we don’t live in a vacuum. We interact with other people, including those we very much care about.
How much responsibility do we bear for other adults and what should that look like? This is something I’ve wrestled with for a long time. Before the knee-jerk reaction of no adult is responsible for anyone else, consider lifeguards.
An electrician is responsible for properly wiring a circuit for safety. Part of his job is looking out for others. Ditto for police, medical staff, and even the illegal preparing your food. Every time he washes salmonella off his hands he’s fulfilled his obligation. Society continues because Nice Productive People take their responsibilities seriously enough to prevent other Nice Productive People from rioting.
So spare me the histrionics of pretending you live on a remote island completely apart from human contact. You’re reading this, which means you look to somebody else for your entertainment. And I better not waste your time.
Clearly we do bear a certain degree of responsibility for others beyond the bare minimum at work. Watching loved ones struggle is particularly hard, and if they’d just listen to advice…Or so we tell ourselves. Some are primed for guilt, including for things they didn’t directly cause. How many of us tried to convince others not to get the shots or to take Covid prophylactics and failed? Or tried for years to convince people to change? Would different phrasing have changed their minds? How much is our fault? Did we try hard enough?
Similar questions keep me up at night.
Recent Mass readings touched on this topic (Ezekiel 33:7-9, Romans 13:8-10, and Matthew 18:15-20), so divine intervention changed this guest Ticker’s focus and answered some of those questions.
The first part of the Ezekiel reading is justification for managing someone’s life because it’s “for their own good.” We want what is best for our loved ones. However it ends with
But if you warn the wicked,
trying to turn him from his way,
and he refuses to turn from his way,
he shall die for his guilt,
but you shall save yourself.
This states that another’s actions are not ultimately our responsibility.
Romans 13:10 is often quoted by itself.
"You shall love your neighbor as yourself."
Love does no evil to the neighbor;
hence, love is the fulfillment of the law.
This is one of my least favorite verses in the Bible because of the way it is twisted. It is often quoted by itself as justification for unlimited immigration, doing away with the death penalty, or that expecting people to pull their own weight is a sin. Put it another way, this verse provides camouflage for cowards to hide behind divine word and abscond from their responsibilities. An even worse interpretation implies duties that never existed. So fuck you if you said this. Your words are partially responsible for a million deaths and counting.
How do we love our neighbor, and what are our responsibilities? It’s right there in the three readings: Warning, then allowing consequences. Consequences are a natural result of actions, whether they are obvious or not. Ideally, they are nonfatal. Sadly, in the Coof Wars they were and are deadly.
The Gospel reading laid out our responsibility: warning people three times is enough. First by ourselves, then with another, and finally with an authority. If the neighbor hasn’t listened by then, they ain’t gonna. But you have fulfilled your duties.
We have a duty to warn of consequences, but are not responsible for behavior. Nor is it possible for us to change his actions. All such change must come from within.
Allowing consequences to happen means we are under no obligation to shield them. Some people only learn from personal experience. And sometimes it hurts as much to watch results arrive upon another as suffer them ourselves. Knowing you tried won’t take away that pain, but these recent Bible readings tell us there’s no reason to feel guilty about another’s choices.